I'm only 30 female. We have two children 3 and 10. My partner 46 male suddenly had a episode where something went terrible wrong. He is no long who he used to be. Started acting crazy as if he's dying or something is wrong with him. He used to be so normal so in control so bossy as a man of the house. I felt like he was the rock that helped to hold us all together I could rely on him and felt safe with him. When something about life was to hard for me I could always look to him to fix it or make it better at least.
A year ago he started talking crazy. That he could feel that something was wrong with himself, that his body was different. He claims he didn't sleep for 30 days. He claims he had tremors, and that his body would be burning hot and that he would put himself in ice water to try to cool himself. He claims that it he was hallucinating, and seeing things, That it felt like his brain was spinning in his head. That he is disassociated from reality his family and that everything looks different and nothing seems right.
We admitted him into the hospital. They pumped him up with medication that helped but he is still suicidal (yet has never attempted). Talks to me about ways to do it and asks me if I will do it. Asks me if I would purchase a gun for him. Says I don't need him here that I can take care of the kids and everything on my own.
I don't understand...It hurts that he would ask these thing and I feel like he is being so selfish to want to leave us. One minute he was here and then the next this is who he is. Its hard and scary. I don't know what I want in life anymore...If I want to be apart of this, if I wasn't my kids to see this behavior and do I want them to be influence by this behavior. I don't know what is real or not real with his psychosis but I know that a lot of the symptoms he had I didn't see. But I was really busy in school and didn't have time to deal with him, I was cleaning, cooking, taking care of kids, going to college, clinical, buying and selling puppies to pay our bills, I was just consumed with the responsibilities. He would wake me up in the middle of the night complaining about his symptoms and all I wanted to do was sleep. I had to leave at 5:30am. I don't know if he slept in all morning that's why he couldn't sleep.
A big part of me feels like its all foolish crazy behavior. Part of me feels horrible if its all real to him. I used the word claim a lot because I never seen this behavior its more like him just telling me what's going on with I'm rather than him displaying this behavior and me noticing wow somethings wrong with him.
This is the person that was strong, handsome, worked hard to take care of the family. Loved his woman and his kids. The man of the house. This man I so dearly miss. Now I have a broken man. A man that wont-cant work. I man that has to drive or since of direction. Almost like a bump on a log, a Debbie downer. His appearance has changed overweight, showers every other day. No sex drive. He does play with our kids and always wants to go and do something. Says he gets more depressed when sitting at home all day. But I'm tight on funds and that doesn't seem to matter to him much. He has one of my credit cards that supplies his never ending stream of cash flow. He pays no bills I take care of all that other wise it wouldn't get taken care of.
I don't know what the future holds.. what is really going on here...
I just want to be with the man I used to know.
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